Miss Manners: I hate their dinnertime conversation but I can’t just find new friends

DEAR MISS MANNERS What s happened to mealtime conversation Related Articles Miss Manners I was called a thief for getting fizzy water without paying Miss Manners These women wore white gowns to my wedding and people were talking Miss Manners His driving was terrifying He responded poorly when I questioned him to slow down Miss Manners I skipped a party for a colleague I don t like Should I have lied about why Miss Manners I don t like what strangers say about my kids and my husband We have friends who are perfectly capable of talking about all kinds of gripping subjects but only so long as there is no food in front of them If we meet at restaurants or for meals at each other s houses all they ever talk about is the food They grill sorry waitstaff at length about the ingredients before they order They even ask us if they re coming to our house what we plan to serve and make not-too-subtle suggestions for changing the menu Not to accommodate allergies which I would understand but just preferences I would even stomach sorry all that if they then talked about something else during dinner But they don t Part of it is critiquing the food we re eating and if they like what we made they think it s a compliment to ask for the recipe while we re eating it But that s not all We have to hear about what foods they like in general and where they get them which foods disagree with them including descriptions of disgusting reactions and which foods they think are bad for everybody We hear about their diets how much weight they lost or didn t lose and the food habits of people we don t even know It s enough to make me lose my appetite not sorry Then there is the endless talk about restaurants not just the one we happen to be in but others they ve gone to which ones they like which ones they don t like and what they ate there And places they have heard about but haven t tried yet I am fed up Sorry You ll apparently tell us to get new friends But these include childhood and college friends who share our interests as well as our history Particular are work friends who have lots to say about our respective fields Particular are the parents of our children s friends who have the same goals about improving instruction There s my walking partner who keeps me amused And there are relatives we like as well as a sparse we just have to tolerate In other words they re not just bores and we can t fire them and get a whole new set GENTLE READER There is an old rule of etiquette that Miss Manners left gathering dust in the cupboard because circumstances had changed no one pays attention to it now and she hadn t considered it worth a fight Until she got your letter The rule prohibits talking about food while consuming a meal This even prohibits complimenting the food which is practically considered mandatory these days But the rule dates from a time when people who entertained were likely to employ cooks That did not mean that they were necessarily rich help was paid shockingly little So rather than being flattered by compliments the host would suspect that the guest might attempt to steal the chef Related Articles Dear Abby Since she went no-contact I tell people I don t have a child Asking Eric Years later there s fallout from the drama of my missionary days Dear Abby Grandfather will boycott kid s graduation unless he gets VIP healing Asking Eric What should my grandson know about his parents messy divorce Harriette Cole How can I get him to stop smoking around the kids Whether or not people had fewer allergies then guests either ate what they were given or pushed it around their plate The ban on food talk relieved them of being questioned or urged Currently s etiquette does require hosts to ask in advance whether their guests have eating restrictions But at the table they may gently say I m putting food talk off limits Miss Manners guess is that the guests will be relieved to eat or not eat in peace Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO