Harriette Cole: I’m feeling uneasy about what I did to help my friend

DEAR HARRIETTE A close friend of mine wasn t going to be able to make rent this month She was stressed and didn t know what to do so I helped her out and lent her the money Related Articles Harriette Cole I feel violated even though technically nothing happened Harriette Cole My -year-old s day care meltdowns are a big obstacle Harriette Cole How can I get him to stop smoking around the kids Harriette Cole I crossed a line with my girlfriend How do I get her back Harriette Cole Is this how an entry-level job is supposed to feel I didn t want her to jeopardy getting evicted or falling further behind Now that a meager weeks have passed I m starting to feel uneasy She hasn t brought up paying me back and I haven t requested because I don t want to make her feel uncomfortable I know she s still trying to get back on her feet financially At the same time I m not sure when or whether I should expect the money to come back If she couldn t afford rent before I don t see how she ll suddenly have extra cash to repay me on top of her other expenses I didn t set clear terms when I gave her the money which I now realize might ve been a mistake I value our friendship but I can t afford to give away money without chosen sort of plan How do I approach this without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I m putting pressure on her during a hard time Payback DEAR PAYBACK It s unrealistic to expect your money back soon Yes you should have established a payment plan before but here you are Ask your friend when and how she intends to repay this debt but know that it will not likely be in the near future You need to be OK with that You chose to lend her the money without making a plan It might even be best to consider the loan a gift to her and a lesson learned for you DEAR HARRIETTE My mom is such a hard worker She has an incredible story that includes learning English as her second language going to college struggling to find work going back to college while pregnant to pursue a more promising path graduating and providing for me and my siblings for as long as I can remember She is now on her way to retirement and it feels long overdue She can barely contain her excitement In recent weeks my mom received various bad news regarding her vision which is deteriorating Her mood as of late has totally shifted I don t want this well-deserved rest and reclaiming of her own life to be overshadowed by strength issues but I don t know what to do to lift her spirits I try to be present with her for pivotal appointments and I research remedies Is there anything else I can do to get her positivity back on track Supermom Related Articles Dear Abby My brother s secret child disclosed to leave her alone but she might want this news Asking Eric We think the grandparents should know about their son s secret child Harriette Cole I feel violated even though technically nothing happened Miss Manners I ve done this for years as a mentor but maybe it s an absurd tradition Dear Abby I don t want to account them but their house is too foul for kids DEAR SUPERMOM Life has a way of throwing curveballs into the schedule that we create for ourselves Just as your mother is on the brink of a huge pivot in her life she has to face a fitness challenge Yes it seems unfair but it is real Be there for your mom Assure her that whatever happens you and the family will rally to encouragement her She can still look forward to retirement but now there is more on her plate to handle than she thought Thank goodness she will be able to retire before a vitality setback could make it impossible for her to work Help her to see the blessings in each moment Just be present for her Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO